I’ll keep this brief, because the breadth and depth of my knowledge of Iowa’s caucus system is limited to what I’ve picked up on the nightly news over the years and Wikipedia. But I’d figure I’d get my tow cents in before the TV spin and punditry takes over like kudzu.
The fact that a bunch of goofy white people hanging out in their Appanoose County living rooms amidst the corn and the high school wrestlers has a profound impact on the seemingly interminable Presidential Election campaign is just dumb. The fact that it will have a large role in making or breaking the presidential hopes of 90% of the candidates is silly.
Not even 3 million people live there. To my knowledge, nothing of significance has ever come out of there. It’s not a slice of the heartland of America. It’s just the state that comes after Nebraska when you’re driving on Highway 80 towards Chicago. There are a lot of rolling hills and lots of the aforementioned corn. And that’s it. So stop giving it so much political weight. Please. That type of clout belongs to states of real importance and relevance, like New Hampshire.
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Whul GAWRSH! Ah shur am glayd summa youse well-dressed nummer-crunchin' types out thayr in Cawlifornya gawts summin' to say about us folksy dirt-people politickin'! It's kinna hawrd fer me to see payst the corn sum times, but this goofy white f@#$er gets 'er dun!
Seriously, you people out there in California can float off into the Pacific for all we people out here between Omaha and Chicago care. (By the way, oh-enlightened do-rag donning accountant of Oakland, it's "Interstate 80" and not "Highway 80.")
All you see here is corn and dirt. All we see there are arrogant, conceited people with plastic breasts and individuals with the moral values of Caligula. I wonder which one is more true?
A few things invented/advanced by Iowans, for your knowledge:
The ball-point pen
Electric washing machines
The computer
Standardized testing
Nylon
Eskimo Pies
But now we'ze is gititn' a google server fawrm in Council Bluffs! Weeze is gonna be likes you smawrt peeple out there with thua Linzy Low-hands and Britny Spears's and Paris Hilltons 'n' stuff! WEE-HAW, WHUR'D MYAH PIG GO???
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